Diary

Lucy’s Diary 26/06/2017


Social Media Part One

Like most millennials I am rather attached to social media and just my phone in general. I have to check whenever we go away that there is WIFI, if not it stresses me out! People over a certain age (40,sssshhh, I didn’t really say that) ask “what did you do before you had a mobile” Well I don’t know because I have had a mobile since I was 13, as I said, I’m a millennial. Admittedly it was before Apps and where the game to have was Snake and when you could drop your Nokia 3210 out of a two story window and it wouldn’t break but still.

I have had a Facebook account for years, for a while it was the only social media account I bothered with and it was great, I was in my early twenties and went on nights out with “friends” a lot with us all taking millions of photos. Facebook was a place where we could organize our busy social lives and share those cringy and also occasionally nice photos.

Now I am on the other side of 30, and hopefully a tad bit more mature (falls on the floor laughing), nights like that don’t happen instead it’s more sedate (mostly) meals and days out,  holidays and faffing with the home. I don’t have loads of “friends” but instead a few chosen true and brilliant actual friends and I am much happier for it.

So Facebook is now a tad redundant to me. It’s all people insulting others who are supposedly their family and friends because they don’t have the exact same opinion as them and selfie after selfie after selfie after………..you get the idea, which is also the reason I don’t do Snapchat.

As you can probably guess I have decided I am not doing Facebook anymore so will be deleting both my private and Lucy Williams accounts. I figure that if I don’t have your number or see you on a regular basis then we are obviously not friends but more acquaintances so Instagram and Twitter will suffice.

Instead I am now addicted to Instagram and Twitter. On these accounts I can follow people I am actually interested in instead of having to follow people because we happen to have gone to school together 15 years ago or some cousin twice removed that I never see in real life or whatever and there is far too much “politics” if I unfriend you.

I know many of you have Instagram and Twitter and I love catching up on what you lot are up to as we follow each other on the basis that we are interested in the same sorts of things and that is great and what I think the internet is all about. Social media definitely has it’s bad points but it is how, for my whole adult life,  we organize and communicate around our busy lives. Who has time for phone calls when you are on a bus and the other person is trying to make dinner? I know some will feel a longing for a time when you took the time out of your day and chatted over the phone but us lot? we know no different than this.

By Lucy Williams

Diary

Lucy’s Diary 18/06/2017


Father’s Day and Grans Birthday

Happy Birthday first of all to my Grandma. It is my Dad’s mum’s birthday today and she is 94 and my only living grandparent. Below is her on her wedding day in the 50’s. Unfortunately she has dementia and is in a home with no clue as to who I am, which wouldn’t stop me visiting but this home is also in Surrey and we all live in Nottingham. Mind you if my hubby and his brother are anything to go by even if I was lucky enough to have her living nearer I still wouldn’t go very often but I guess you don’t know how lucky you are all the time.

But of course I sent her a card and I usually write a note in which the carers at the home show and read out to her which will hopefully bring her some pleasure for a little bit if nothing else. I’m hoping to go down and see her soon, it is so expensive with petrol and hotels etc that I can’t do it as often as I would like.

IMG_20150811_215158

As you know it is Father’s day today to but my Father is currently travelling back from a holiday in France with my Mother via my Grandma’s as well as all our work schedules not coordinating so we all won’t be available for present swapping until Tuesday evening.

Also the photo’s from my wedding are literally the only photos of me and dad. This is for two reasons;

  1. Me and my dad are the photographers in the family so we have one or other of us in a photo but not both.
  2. I hate pretty much every single photo ever taken of me apart from my wedding ones.

I think both me and dad hated the walking down the aisle bit equally for as well as the interest in photography I also take after him in shyness lol I will always remember my dads face when he first saw me in my wedding dress, it still makes me smile when I think of that moment.

I consider myself very lucky to have my dad walk me down the aisle. One of my close friends dad died when they were very young and another friend had a relationship with their dad at the time of her wedding that was so bad he wasn’t there at all.

So Happy Father’s day to my dad but also to all the absent ones residing in Heaven and a hug to all those that don’t have a good/no relationship with their dad’s, believe me I understand this more than you would think or I am capable of putting into words xxx

Karen and Jon (207)

Diary

Lucy’s Diary 17/06/2017


Home Sweet Home Part Three

I have become a little obsessed with all things home related. I was 24 when we bought our first and current home. At that time we were both working full time, I was studying for a G.C.S.E in psychology and volunteering for the Samaritans as well as having a busy social life. As you can imagine I didn’t have the time and energy to bother too much about the house other than both of us doing a whole house clean once every week.

But then I got ill and was forced to seriously slow life down. I now only work 16 hours, finished and passed my G.C.S.E with a B and had to give up volunteering. I can’t just be a spectator in life though, I see at the moment so many people about my age who have suddenly got to 30 ish and thought SHIT what am I doing? I have not encountered that problem so far.

So my life now has just taken a slower pace but I have made sure it is still fulfilling. For starters I began writing again, starting this blog, Instagram and Twitter as well as publishing books on Amazon. We rescued a little dog that takes up quite a bit of my time and also keeps me company when hubby is off at work and makes me feel better when I have my bad days. And now I have got into everything home related, after all I am in my home a hell of a lot more than I used to be!

I now do some form of cleaning everyday and have decided that I want to do up our home as I am sick of staring at all the glaring problems and making it look nice and fixing what needs to be fixed is only going to be good news when selling it in the not too distant future. Once I have finished pimping this house hopefully we will be ready to move to another and I can start all over again : D. Recently I have started up a second Instagram account all to do with the home, the improvements we are making etc just look for @meandmylovelyhome if you want to join me. I hope to see you there xxx

By Lucy Williams

Diary

Lucy’s Diary 04/06/2017


Living With Anxiety/Depression Part Four

I remember waking up and seeing a tall man dressed in black standing at my open bedroom door. I was lying in bed scared out of my wits because I didn’t know who this man was. He came closer to me and I tried to move and to scream, I couldn’t but I kept trying. I could still see the man almost at my bed but I could also hear my screams now and a woman telling me it is o.k.

Then I woke for real and the woman was my mum who had heard me screaming and tried to wake me up. I was a teenager and this was my latest reoccurring anxiety dream. Another thing that used to happen at this point in my life was every time I tried to go to sleep there was a repetitive noise in my head that used to get faster and faster and faster. I used to try and block it out by covering my ears with my hands or singing a song to distract myself but the noise was inside my head, you can’t run away from what is inside you. This noise was one of the reasons I would write, before I went to bed I would tell myself a story to distract myself from, well, myself.

When I was in primary school I used to get two reoccurring dreams, both involving my dad. He appeared in them like a cardboard cut out forever smiling but he always died. One involved a shark, he would get pulled under the water by it with this grin on his face registering no pain and there would be no blood but my dream self knew I would never see him again. The second involved me searching for him in a wood and calling for him until I would eventually find him being pulled into a hole with the same grin on his face and the certainty I wouldn’t see him again. I didn’t know it then but they were anxiety dreams.

 

One of the last anxiety dreams I had I woke up in bed looking at my husband who was asleep with his back to me and the Grim Reaper sitting on the bed next to him. I thought I must be hallucinating so I scrunched my eyes shut but when I opened them again he was still there with scythe in hand. The Grim Reaper sensed I was awake and the black hole under his hood turned over to look at me. In my head I said “No not him, take me instead”. We stared at each other for a moment, I blinked and the Grim reaper was gone, I checked my husband was still breathing. I rolled over onto my back and my husband was standing at the open wardrobe door fully dressed with his arms out in front of him, palms up. Then I must of actually woken up but it’s hard to tell with these dreams as I was still lying on my back and the wardrobe door was open but no hubby was there as he was lying in bed with his back to me asleep, I checked his breathing just in case.

I have taken anti depressants for five years now and they have stopped all of the above happening even if they do make me extremely tired I’d rather not be scared out of my wits pretty much every night. As much as I am a believer in not completely relying on medication the likes of St Johns Wort, exercise and meditation do not help with this aspect of anxiety and depression I can tell you!

By Lucy Williams

Diary

Lucy’s Diary 24/05/2017


Home Sweet Home Part Two

We are decorating our hall, or rather hubby is decorating our hall and I am project managing : D Since it was my idea I am quite happy to decorate but hubby banishes me to another room every time I make an appearance, he is someone who likes things done his way or not at all!

The walls were a pale lemon and grubby, the carpet was thin and stained with who knows what and the porch bit had lino which just gets soggy with muddy and wet boots and a dog and is seriously hard to clean properly.

Now the walls are a light grey and the stairs are white and will have colorful vases on the edge of every other step as soon as I actually find ones I like! We have painted our natural color wood shoe rack white and the hooks for our coats were already white. I have black and white wedding photo’s going up the stairs to and the now grey walls make them look even more stunning, I swear my leg has never looked so good before!

But it’s not just about painting walls and ceiling as I made the decision, and hubby made the mistake of agreeing, to not having a carpet on the stairs but painting them instead. So the carpet has been pulled up revealing very decent floor boards except one at the top has had the back kicked in at some point. We happen to have a joiner who lives next door and he gave us a couple of ideas of how to fix it so we stuck two nails into it to lever it back then wedged a bit of wood plus glue down the remaining gap that currently is held in place courtesy of a bit of string tied to the banister and then we will filler and paint while keeping all fingers and toes crossed.

The floor paint is great, non slippy and hard wearing and much easier to clean but because of it being white and the backs of the stairs being two toned it is needing approximately a thousand coats, it does look so much fresher already.

Another problem is the laminate flooring we are now putting on the landing and at the bottom of the stairs is a nightmare to fit. We got some of it from a couple of friends who had some left over after decorating their conservatory and finding some more was the easiest part. We didn’t have the appropriate tool so we ordered it but then it turned out the appropriate part to go with it that hubby thought we had was non existent in our tool box so an extra part was ordered which has arrived today. Again all fingers and toes crossed.

It’s been almost two weeks since we first started the hall and I am getting a little annoyed with all the stuff heaped up everywhere but I know it will look amazing when it is done. In the end your house is the most expensive thing you own containing the most important people and memories so why not put lots of effort into making it look great? After all it is an investment, and I love it!

By Lucy Williams

 

Diary

Lucy’s Diary 20/05/2017


3 Years Ago Today

I got married under a willow tree hand in hand with my best friend. The Italian midday sun smiled down on us while we promised to love and be there for each other for ever more. That day was quite simply the best day of my life.

I woke up at 9:00am with the sun streaming through the windows looking up at a painting of blue sky and birds on the ceiling. I showered and snuggled into a big white fluffy dressing gown ready for my mum, sister and two friends to arrive. I flung open the glass doors letting as much of the sun and warm air in as possible. The shadows of the trees made spiky patterns on the tiled floor behind me.

I felt peaceful standing out on the balcony with my mum looking over the lush green tropical garden and the birds hopping and chirping happily from bush to tree and back again. I thought of my Grandparents no longer with us and my friend who had died only a couple of months previously and I tried to soak every scent, sight and feeling in, I never wanted to forget this day.

I was like a  Princess in my simple sleeveless fitted white dress, no fussy veil or train for me. I slipped a blue and white garter my mum had worn almost thirty years previously on her wedding day up my leg, I  stuck pearl earrings in my ears and wound around my wrist a pearl necklace that had been my Grandma’s which my Granddad had given me after her death and I put a white flower in my long blonde hair straightened by my sister.

Clutching a bouquet of white roses, my favorite flower, I made my way down the stairs carefully in my white and silver shoes to the hotel entrance where my dad was waiting for me. I saw his face light up when he saw his daughter in her wedding dress for the first time. We walked the five minutes to the venue in an organised procession. Myself first, arm in arm with my dad, followed by my two bridesmaids, my mum and my friend/photographer. Cars beeped their horns and passerby’s called their congratulations out as we made our way to the venue where the wedding planner was waiting with a big smile on her face.

I remember my friend whispering “look at the groom” just before the musicians started playing and we started down the aisle. I looked and he was smiling the biggest smile and I kept looking at him my entire journey down the green carpet. There are just some photographs that you keep in your mind and you know you will treasure them even on the darkest of days.

Thank you everyone who made this day truly special.

By Lucy Williams

Karen and Jon (258)

 

Diary

Lucy’s Diary 15/05/2017


National Vegetarian Week
At the moment each week appears to be dedicated to different aspects of my personality! Yes it is true I am vegetarian and I have been for 15 years. First things first lets clear up a couple of things.
Whenever I say I am vegetarian which, as you can imagine, has been quite a few times over the years I always get the same questions so dictionary definition time;
Pescetarian
  1. a person who does not eat meat but does eat fish.
    “no red meat, my family are pescatarians”
Vegan
  1.  a person who does not eat or use animal products.
VEGETARIAN!
noun
  1. a person who does not eat meat or fish, and sometimes other animal products, especially for moral, religious, or health reasons.

I also get asked quite a lot about what I eat which confuses me. I don’t spend my time eating avocado wrapped in leaves and nuts, although this is still some restaurants idea of vegetarian food, which I’m sure is very nice but I still eat burgers, sausages etc they just have no meat in them.

For some reason people think that your body needs meat but I have never seen anything that supports this as I take no supplements for being vegetarian and have never had any health problems related to not eating meat.

My hubby is not vegetarian but he ends up eating a lot of vegetarian meals mwahaha! because when cooking spag bowl it is so much easier to do one dish then two separate ones but in sandwiches or when eating burgers etc he has meat, cooked apart of coarse, and I obviously don’t.

For me being vegetarian is a belief. I know without a doubt I am doing the right thing by not eating meat. I won’t go into why this is as I am aware that many people reading this are not vegetarian and that is completely up to you. I would rather hubby was vegetarian but I think it is important to respect each others decisions and beliefs even if they are not the same as yours so it is something that neither of us talk about it is just a fact that he eats meat and I don’t.

I was sixteen when I decided I wanted to be vegetarian, I do actually like the taste of meat. Back then you had a shelf in the supermarket with vegetarian food on if you were lucky and in restaurants you had maybe one or two dishes out of the whole menu you could eat. This appears now to be a vegans problem, who have my sympathies.

Luckily my mum and dad were very supportive of both me, and a couple of months later my sister, of becoming vegetarian and mum cooked separate meals for themselves and for us.

Now I have more choice when going to the supermarket, which I still haven’t completely got used to. There are whole fridges and freezers dedicated to being vegetarian and when eating out I get at least one option in each category.

There are so many more vegetarians now then ever before. I think it is partly down to better knowledge but also choice when you go to the supermarket etc. I can imagine in a few more years vegans will be numbering a similar amount to vegetarians now and even though I can’t imagine being vegan at the moment I wouldn’t ever completely rule it out.

By Lucy Williams

 

 

 

 

Diary

Lucy’s Diary 12/05/2017


Mental Health Awareness Week

This week is mental health awareness week and this year it is all about Are You Surviving Or Thriving? So basically are you just going through the motions of life, getting up, going to work, coming home and maybe watching t.v? or are you managing to do something, no matter how small, every day that makes you feel as if you have accomplished something?  After all battling depression etc isn’t just about taking a tablet and hoping for the best.

One of the aspects of this years theme I love is that you don’t necessarily have to have a mental health problem to join in. Since 1 in 4 of us experience a mental health problem at some point in our life surely prevention is better than a cure? It is so much easier to look after you mental health before there is a problem then trying to fix it once the problem has occurred.

If you follow me on various social media sites then you will have seen me posting each day with whatever it is I have been doing but at the same time I have also been trying to share ways that I have found useful in helping to control my depression and anxiety in the hope that other people may find it useful to.

I have been looking at what other participants are doing to to see if I can get any tips and also I think it is important to be supportive of each other especially considering all the stigma still around mental health.  The hash tag on all social media is #thrivelive if you want to check out what everyone has been up to to.

I will give you a recap of what I have been doing so far this week;

  1. My Worry Eater. This is basically a cuddly toy with a zip for a mouth, mine is called Nigel. You write your worries on a bit of paper and pop it in the zip and the worry eater eats them. This may sound a little juvenile but I find it amazingly helpful as it feels like a little weight has lifted off my shoulders every time I pop one in.
  2. Walking. I walk my dog every day for at least half an hour depending on time restraints or what I feel like I need. If I am having a bad day then I will go somewhere where I won’t bump into many people so don’t have to make awkward small talk. Being out with nature is very calming I find.
  3. Spa day. I don’t do this very often but it is a good thing to do. They were all do it yourself treatments, I used a body scrub in the shower and moisturized all over then used another scrub on my face and moisturized again and finally I out my feet in a little foot spa for half an hour then moisturized them to. I felt extremely clean and relaxed!
  4. Reading. One of my favorite ever pass times is reading. I am currently reading my 21st book of the year and each month I also read Ideal Home magazine. For me reading stops the constant over thinking and whirring of my brain, it temporarily makes me forget what ever problems or stresses I have in my life.
  5. Writing. Obviously! I write almost every day whether it is poetry that I later publish on social media or it is in a notebook/diary getting things off my chest. When I was 13 ish it was either the councilor or doctor who suggested I write things down in a diary and since then, when my demons come, that is what I do. You don’t have to be an amazing writer, no one but you will see it, just write.

There are two more days to go so please go check out the hashtag and see what everyone has been up to or maybe even join in yourself xxx

 

By Lucy Williams

Diary

Lucy’s Diary 08/05/2017


Reading

One thing you should know about me is I love reading and I don’t have much time for those that don’t read. To me a person who says they don’t read is basically admitting they are ignorant which equals boring in my mind.

Although I completed my A-levels I never bothered going to university but that doesn’t mean I have stopped learning. I very much doubt that an English Literature degree could recommend any books that I haven’t already read.

My favorite book is Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen and I read it every year. If a guy I was interested in or a potential friend had never read it, well………as it happens hubby has read it and I have read The Hobbit which is his favorite book. I also appear to be one of the few people who have read every single Charles Dickens book, some of which I wish I hadn’t bothered with : D

Some don’t find it as easy to read such as my hubby who is dyslexic so obviously reading at least fifty books a year like me is not going to happen for everyone, I’m currently reading book number twenty one. But those who say they don’t have time are talking crap. I read anywhere and everywhere, waiting for the bus, on the bus, on my lunch break, while dinner is cooking, in bed before I go to sleep etc, etc.

I guess now though people watch T.V mostly, catching up on Eastenders and I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here as well as the endless football games on our every available channel. Don’t get me wrong I may not be a soap or reality t.v fanatic but I do love my Netflix, see previous blog posts : ).

I really don’t understand people who just stick to the same type of book all the time either, how boring reading the same story just regurgitated by a different author. There are always going to be genres you don’t enjoy such as horror in my case or maybe you hate classics (is there such a person?!) but that doesn’t mean stick to one or two of the same authors.

Reading teaches you things about the world and yourself, it encourages empathy, brings you out of the small part of the world you inhabit and helps you understand the crazy world we live in. How is this process going to happen if you only read E.L James?

Sometimes a book doesn’t just touch your heart but your soul to and for me the following books did that;

  1. John Green- The fault in our stars
  2. Matt Haig- The Humans
  3. Elizabeth Gilbert- Eat, Prey, Love

Maybe they keep you guessing and on the edge of your seat like;

  1. S.J Watson- Before I go to sleep
  2. Gillian Flynn- Gone Girl
  3. Dan Brown- The Da Vinci Code

Or maybe they make you laugh out loud and are an escape from life which is basically any Terry Pratchett or Marian Keyes book!

I love reading and hearing about what you bloggers and my friends are reading because that is the way I can discover new and exciting books that are not necessarily on the best seller lists.

Basically my point is READ, anything, even The Sun newspaper or Katie Prices hundredth autobiography ; ) and watch t.v but not just Eastender’s and I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here or the footie. Trust me the more you know about the world and yourself the happier you will be.

 

By Lucy Williams

P.S Do not even talk to me if you haven’t at least read Pride and Prejudice ; )

 

 

Diary

Lucy’s Diary 05/05/2017


11 Years Later

Eleven Years is how long me and my now hubby have been together. Which means it is eleven years since my sisters prom night and eleven years since I was 20.

I met my hubby almost five years before this beginning in sixth form, he went out with my friend for the grand total of six weeks. She used to write him notes and they would disappear for “secret talks”. Her friends and his friends hated each other with a passion that has not gone away all these years later, luckily neither of us speak to any of them anymore.

He was a tall skinny boy of nineteen in this horrendous long black leather coat I’m pretty sure he never took off, he wore a ring on his middle finger that the center of spun around and a shirt which had orange flames burning up his chest.

I remember once he had a red mahican, shaving the sides of his blonde hair right down and spiking up the middle. I remember him sleeping on the chair in the six form common room because, like many, he had drunk too much the night before and I remember him being convinced Gareth Gates would win Pop Idol where as I was rooting for Will Young, the first time of many where I was right ; )

I wore baggy jeans and jumpers teemed with trainers (urgh) to hide my body from the bullies that had been in my class and who came into sixth form with me. My hair was long and my natural blonde and I never wore makeup but painted my nails religiously. We were two teenagers who didn’t know who we were yet.

I used to make him go to the school cafeteria to get me my favorite cake that had thick gooey pink icing on top. Now I make him go to the shops because I have run out of diet coke cans.

I never thought that at sixteen I was meeting the boy who would turn into the man I would start dating almost five years later, I didn’t know he would be the one I would  buy a house with seven years later or the man I would marry twelve years later. But that is what happened and fifteen years after that first meeting the two halves of me are still together : )

By Lucy Williams